Just returned from some days of studying yoga in San Francisco with my dear friend pat, past Kalani folks (yoga dogs) and universal yoga with Andrey Lappa.

It was a phenomenal way to spend my 41st birthday. We had to rise EARLY for a 6:30am yoga class every morning. Pat and I then puttered around the city, nibbled, laughed, chatted, dined, did more yoga, rode bikes, etc.

There were several highlights. TO name a few:
a) Dinner at Delfina after a hugely energetic ashtanga yoga class with Mier.
b) Dinner with Di Di at Foreign Cinema the night of my birthday where we had some of the best service in town; not to mention that there were 3 sexy beasts that were placed at that table of ours.
c) yoga photo shoot atop twin peaks on a warm fall morning.

A friend told me that I talk in the third person; never associating what I am saying to me, I, myself. SO, this blog entry I will attempt to use no 3rd person vernacular when referring to myself. Well, its a big growth month.

about a week ago, I realized that the reason I’m not able to push myself into a handstand (given that I do have the strength) was because I had this perception of being bottom heavy. I thought for a moment and then I realized that the root center (this bottom part of me) represents my connection to the world, survival, existence and basic functioning. I also realized that this heaviness in the root was my need to control and my unwillingness to let go and trust (yup I’m a control freak).

interesting.

So, if I wanted to conquer this heaviness and bring lightness, I actually had to let go, lose control, trust. Its opposite of what I would “think” to do.

interesting.

So for the past two weeks, I’d approach my challenge and breathe deeply, putting my finger tips against the wall, breathe deeply again; then I would use my inside voice (ie. prayer/mantra) saying, I trust all that is present, I trust divinity to care for me, I am free, I am light, I am all I need to be, I am safe (the core concept here was not just saying it but honestly FEELING IT in my whole body). Each day I felt lighter and lighter. Each day my yoga teacher would say I’m 60% there, 70% there 85% there….

and today?

Well, I crossed the barrier. I am trusting. I am lighter. I am free. I am all I need to be. I am.

So the wall was my perception, I placed the barrier.
I am curious as to what else I am soon to see. I find that I must pay attention to my physical body because it tells me so much of what is happening in my emotional and spiritual self.

When I was a kid, I could remember walking home, pausing at the overturned backstops in the ballfields, resting atop these school ground beds staring at the sky. As I gazed up at the clouds, i would push my hands in front of my face and stare at them wondering if I were real, or just an illusion; this was at the age 8 or so.

Now, this month I seem to be returning to the childlike innocence and challenging the “expected” truths of society. Its actually quite cool because Robert Fulgrum was not quite right, in that all we really needed to learn we brought with us as a child.

I must say it is a powerful contemplation month for me (for some reason). I’m realizing that life (or form) here on earth is really just a cloak or illusion of experience. We have an illusionary perception of time, but that is just a cloak that ages/changes/alters and the true self, the true consciousness of our being just IS and always IS. For example I further contemplate the sun rising and setting… yet the sun just IS. As we just ARE. If we can detach from the form and our external cloak, we connect with the true self (the I AM). Many authors are writing more about this as pure consciousness. Its very cool.

Be curious.
It only gets more interesting!

I just spent 4 days in silence and meditation. between rounds of meditation i did breath work, yoga, ate and slept a little. it was a fascinating journey. so much gained about this life, form, time and my mind. some key thoughts:

a) i like so many other people identify with form; my body, my place, its health, looks, fitness – yet it is of this earth and will return to this earth; my soul will lift and i felt its weightlessness for the first time; felt formless. woah, cool!

b) nothing will ever change AND everything is always changing; the great paradox – helpful for things you complain about!

c) life is like the sun, our limited capacities and abilities to understand it through our small sensory preceptors is exemplified such that we think it rises in the morning and sets in the evening; truth is the sun does neither, it just is. (okay noodle on that one)

d) love is possible on this earth given form (being human) and duality (the beloved and lover). Its important to experience this now… because unity is coming.

ok…
I’m not usually this deep on my blog, but sensations of the divine, of the truth were not to be contained within my form. Over and out.

I began my day with a stroll down 4th Street in Vancouver. Nice overcast morning, chill of the air on my flesh. I then went for a 2 hour ride around stanley park then over to west vancouver and cypress park. I was getting tired and knew I had a full day ahead of me with nearly 8 hours with David Swenson at the yoga studio.

Lunch a typical whole food grab and go, but you gotta love Vancouverites… because this whole foods actually has a raw food bar and some of the yummiest salads without onions.

Now about my yoga day. We started at 1pm doing the FULL ashtanga primary series. There were about 50 people in the class so I was a bit smoked and dripped so much sweat my hair was completely wet and my body drenched. Lucky for me I had my cotton mat to soak it up.

The second session was about flight, balance and learning to use less effort in our practice. I learned that I must balance on my fingers like my toes perform when I walk. I tested the concept and it gave me new body awareness to test in my landing forward and pushing back (its all a handstand and I know that has been my nemesis for sometime). I also discovered new positioning for my legs (like getting them the hell out of the way, crossing at the shins and flexing the feet). This second session was probably one of the most helpful. I will say that David is a bit goofy and I think his style is technically very good yet his exploration of pranayama was a bit lacking. I basically think he is a vata constitution that just needs to move a lot.

Well…
tomorrow we learn some of the intermediate series and a special session on inversions (my favorite). Namaste!

I just drove up to Vancouver this evening to attend a weekend workshop with David Swenson. David must be the most beautiful yogi I’ve ever seen practice; the guy really floats with amazing grace.

So the first evening (Friday) was an informal lecture on Ashtanga yoga. David seemed to take the topic lightly and interjected humor at every junction. I’m not sure I was fond of the style, but I did just drop myself into this studio after being 20 minutes late (given border crossing).

After his demonstration (absolutely gorgeous), we did do a practice of some basic A + B series to feel the breath, prana and practice our bundas. He taught me some subtle oppositions that caused my forward bends to go further and deeper.

What is fascinating to me right now is how my poses seem to work me, how I’m finding extension and length. I think the biggest learning lesson this evening was on drishti (internal focus and outward gaze). I discovered that our internal focus can deepen when our drishti is challenged by distraction. There is a lot of distractions in daily life. Our yoga is to have the subtle gaze yet deep understanding of who we really are, the true I am.

This week pat (my temporary boyfriend – thank you Christy) and I decided we would attempt to see all that Seattle had to offer in terms of yogis. Now I’ve been practicing for about 4-5 years (on and off and more regular in the past 2) and Pat has been a bit of a rabid new comer at 12-14 months. Our perspectives are similar yet also very different. He has been formally trained (200 hour teacher training), I have not. I seem to like the fact that every teacher has something to tell you, yet often times the lessons comes in painfully small bites with less articulate or practiced yogis.

Sunday found me at Rain City Yoga then that evening, meditating and practicing at Troy Lucero’s studio. Today we wandered into the noon class with Kathleen Hunt at Samadi. All were solid experiences and each I felt something new. I am actively journaling about this journey. I’m posting this picture here because its a post I’m cultivating and think I can achieve. Today I got one leg behind my head in this resting yogi pose. I would like to say I’m halfway there, but I know the second leg is the harder and resting is even harder.

Namaste.

this evening a dear friend and I prepared dinner and dreamt up a new special brand. we know it doesn’t look like much but there is just a little more to reveal before the masses scream for more. stay tuned.